About Us

Stop Hovering

Much has been written about today’s “helicopter” parents. How many times have you heard, “If I would’ve known then what I know now”? Are we reliving our own childhoods through our children? We hate to see our children make the same mistakes we did and we are really trying to protect them. But, in essence, what we do is stifle them and they learn nothing.

A science teacher spoke about his annual science fair entries. He said there were two types and he wished he could grade in each category – the ones kids actually did and the entries created by parents for their children. The value is placed on winning and it overshadows the process of learning and creativity. When we rescue our children from real-life consequences, we set them up for failure and extreme disappointment in the real world.

Let children lead their own lives. Be grateful when they want to take the lead on a project or sport, and let them do it. As parents, we need to remember it’s about them, not us.

One father who was coaching in a local league was a great example. He played baseball in the minors and had a short stint in the majors but was never a superstar, and went on to a sales job, three kids and a mortgage. As a boys' baseball coach he believes that the parents, not the kids, have ruined the enjoyment of youth baseball. If you know anything about youth sports, you know that leagues are dealing with more and more crazy coaches and parents. At the beginning of every season, he sits his families down and talks to them about the chances of any boy in the league, not just the team, making it to the pros. He gives them his history. He talks about the bad calls the umpires will make during the season. Finally, he let’s them know that he will focus on skills, sportsmanship and the fun of the game. If any family wants something different, he offers them transfer slips.

So, as a parent, develop your own interests. Take up tennis or start running if you need to compete. But don’t do it through your children. Help them, but let them lead. Let them create their own Pinewood Derby car (even if it is not perfect) or erupt their own volcano for science. And if they play sports, wear the team colors, cheer for everyone and keep quiet when that umpire does make that questionable call. In fact, when he does, use it as a golden opportunity to teach them how to deal with life’s inequalities.

< BACK