Articles by the Author
Stop Arguing Your Way Through Baseball Season
By Marlene F. Byrne Founder and Author of Project Play
During a youth baseball game for 6-year olds in Kentucky, a father was jailed after an assault on the umpire. In California, an umpire was knocked unconscious at a game involving 10-year olds. In Miami, a brawl involving two coaches, an umpire, and more than 20 parents forced all the young players to retreat into the dugout. One lone outfielder—caught in a home video—remained in position. He was only 5 years old and just wanted to keep playing.
Although these incidents are the extreme, each was reported to the National Association of Sports Officials (NASO) and stand as evidence that bad sportsmanship is a serious problem. Even more concerning is that of the more than 100 reports of physical contact NASO receives each year, most involve coaches, parents, and officials, not children. Was football legend Vince Lombardi right when he said, "Winning isn’t everything—it’s the only thing"?
As a parent, I cannot help but ask: what happened to joining organized sports for the sake of having fun, making friends, or getting exercise? What about the idea that we expose our kids to sports to help them discover their passions? When did winning become the primary concern?
Leagues across the country are developing "good sportsmanship" clinics to try to control the overzealous coaches and parents. They are spending more time than ever discouraging parents and coaches with "too much enthusiasm" from participating in the league.
One baseball coach explained to me, "It’s the parents, not the kids, who have ruined the enjoyment of youth baseball." The coach played in the minors. He went on to a sales job, three kids, and a mortgage. At the beginning of every season, he sits his families down and talks to them about the chances of any boy in the league, not just the team, making it to the pros. He talks about the bad calls the umpires will make during the season. Finally, he let’s them know that he will focus on skills, sportsmanship, and the fun of the game. If any family wants something different, he offers them a transfer slip.
But bad sportsmanship affects the coaches too. They feel the pressure as parents complain about their child’s playing time or heckle referees for bad calls. Sometimes, the pressure and negativity is so strong that the coaches quit halfway through the season. Others are hesitant to take their place.
As parents, it is our responsibility to be a good role model for our children. But when we throw tantrums during their sporting events or complain all the way home in the car, are we really acting in their best interest?
It is important for parents to stay tuned to reality when it comes to our child’s endeavors. If there is anything time and experience have taught us, it is that life can be unfair. The next time an umpire makes a questionable call, instead of slapping the bleachers or storming out into the baseball field, use it as a golden opportunity to teach your child how to deal with life’s inequalities. That way, whether during their work or personal life, your child will be better equipped to handle the moments when things just don’t work out the way they expected.
It’s also important for us to let children lead their own lives. By taking our children’s sporting events too seriously, we’re placing undesirable pressure and stress on them, their team, their coaches, and others. We need to remember, it’s about them, not us. Don’t try to relive your own athletic dreams. Take up tennis or start running if you feel the need to compete. But don’t do it through your children.
Better yet, prove to your children that what the "team" did this week doesn’t matter. Make sports fun again. Pick a weekend time and have them invite all the neighborhood kids to the park for a "pick up" game of baseball. Let them pick the teams. Teach them how to pick captains and then let them play. It will give them the opportunity to work together and have fun. They can negotiate their own calls and learn that the only way to keep the game going is to compromise. And in the end, it won’t matter who won—no one will need a trophy.
We can learn a great deal from the 5-year old that remained in the outfield while his parents, coaches, and umpires fought one another around him. He taught us that it’s really not about winning. It’s about playing and having fun. It’s about supporting our children, not by dominating the playing grounds, but by wearing team colors, cheering for everyone, and maintaining a positive attitude no matter what the outcome of the game.
Marlene F. Byrne is the author of Project Play books, www.ProjectPlayBooks.com, a series written to inspire families to get kids using their imaginations and playing back yard games. Just a Baseball Game is meant to teach kids a valuable lesson about sportsmanship while inspiring them to get back to the basics of America’s favorite pastime and "just play ball."
